


a rubber band and a toothpick

by starkslovemail



Series: earth-207, the stark-rhodes timeline [4]
Category: Iron Man - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst and Feels, Established Relationship, M/M, Post-Battle of New York (Marvel), Protective James "Rhodey" Rhodes, RhodeyTony Day 2020, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:39:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25959166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starkslovemail/pseuds/starkslovemail
Summary: “Now, let’s see… where was I?”Tony looked away in thought as he recounted his day, “Uh, an alien army led by Thor’s crazy brother… Captain America showed up, which is always a treat…  um, Bruce turned into the Jolly Green Giant, and it wasamazing,and then, I—” He faltered, cutting himself off. “… I almost died.”
Relationships: James "Rhodey" Rhodes/Tony Stark
Series: earth-207, the stark-rhodes timeline [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1558591
Comments: 12
Kudos: 135
Collections: Tony Stark Angst





	a rubber band and a toothpick

**Author's Note:**

> happy rhodeytony day!! 
> 
> if you haven't read _[no shoes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20602484)_ , just know that for rhodey and tony, the idea of taking off your shoes refers to the home being a safe space where you can be vulnerable without being judged 💛
> 
> also, charlie is rhodey's ai, and you can learn about him in [this thread](https://twitter.com/starkslovemail/status/1251171780422705154) on twitter bc i haven't written the fic yet 🤧
> 
> you only really need to know those two things to understand what's going on okie bye enjoy the story 💛💫

“I assume we’ll be seeing you during the cleanup?”

Jim nodded, trying not to react to the hopeful glimmer in the other man’s eyes with anything other than a comforting smile.

Since Captain America’s awakening in the twenty-first century, he’d imprinted on both Jim and Tony like a baby bird. It made sense given Jim’s ties to the military and Tony’s grandfather, so neither minded it all that much, but the golden retriever energy Steve Rogers tended to exude was something Jim didn’t think he’d ever get used to.

“I don’t know what that’s going to look like, but I’ll be there to help figure it out,” he confirmed.

Steve’s face brightened, and he smiled, “Happy to have you onboard, Jim.”

One firm, friendly handshake later, and the impromptu shawarma gathering was coming to a close.

The members of the fledgling Avengers Initiative slowly began to trickle away, and eventually, it was just Jim, Tony, and Bruce.

Jim looked to his fiancé and immediately frowned.

He still didn’t know just what had happened while he was in Hong Kong, but something about Tony was _off_ in a way he didn’t like.

The man was doing everything he could to look normal, teasing grins and wide gestures as he spoke to one of his oldest friends, but it didn’t look right to Jim's eyes. Tony’s natural hummingbird rhythm kept him flitting from place to place, but it was never this uncomfortably jittery, not when he was with someone he liked.

And Tony _adored_ Bruce Banner.

Ever since that conference at Oxford, they’d been great friends, always keeping up with each other’s ground-breaking projects as they collected their PhDs. Banner’s radiation accident had put an unfortunate pause on things when he dropped off the face of the earth, but a few years away did nothing to dim their friendship.

Jim remembered vividly just how excited Tony had been to see Bruce again. He’d made a new suit just so he could show the other how far his tech had come since they’d last met.

That was why Jim was sure the only reason Tony hadn’t already bolted from the scene of the shawarma shop to find refuge in Carnegie Hill was that Bruce had nowhere to go. SHIELD were the ones who had uprooted him, and after seeing the Hulk containment chamber, he wasn’t going to go back to them.

So, Tony offered Bruce a place at the tower as long as he wanted one. And because Tony wasn’t just going to leave him there alone, Carnegie Hill would have to wait.

“CHARLIE’s got a car outside,” Jim informed the two when the alert came in on his watch. “He and JARVIS will fly the suits back.”

Tony gave a little twitch at the mention of their suits, masking the action by slinging an arm over Bruce’s shoulder, “Next time, we’ll just have to make Banner a suit of his own.”

“The other guy would just break it,” Bruce dismissed as the trio left the shop.

“If Hank Pym can figure out how to grow and shrink a suit, so can I,” Tony declared. “Are you still obsessed with purple? Because I’m making your suit purple.”

Jim snorted softly as Bruce flushed, quietly admitting that yes, it was still his favorite color.

That started Tony on another ramble about branding and color theory as all three piled into the car. Jim and Bruce were content to let him go on, the lack of silence a strange comfort as the car drove through the streets of Manhattan.

Tony bounced from topic to topic, never quite settling down as he looked anywhere but outside.

Jim didn’t think he was trying to avoid the wreckage.

He glanced out the window as Tony started to tell Bruce about the element he’d rediscovered. The evening sky wasn’t dark enough for the stars to come through, and with the city all but shut down, the ambiance was eerie.

It made Jim think about the little things he noticed over the past few hours, the holes in the narrative that he still couldn’t fill.

Something had happened, and nobody wanted to tell him what it was.

Most of the penthouse levels of the tower had been destroyed in the attack, but there was still more than enough space for the three men to turn in for the night.

Bruce took a floor to himself, worried that his exhaustion from the day’s fight would trigger the Hulk in some way. Tony had spent fifteen minutes trying to figure out the science behind that hypothesis before Jim dragged him away to another floor so they could all get some sleep.

“You know, I wanted to talk to Bruce after the whole… gamma thing,” his fiancé gestured vaguely as they entered their room, “but after everything with Ross, he went on a journey to go find himself on the other side of the world, and I figured that was a pretty clear message he wanted to be left alone. ”

Jim hummed in acknowledgment, pulling back the covers on the bed before getting in. “Don’t forget your shoes.”

Tony nodded absently before he continued, “So then I don’t see the guy for like, seven years.” He climbed into bed, settling in next to his fiancé. “And then we’re brought back together by _aliens_.”

The word came out weird, like Tony had been trying to go for casual and underestimated just how much the verbal reminder of the day’s events would affect him.

“Tones, shoes,” Jim reminded him gently.

“They’re, like, Size 37s, Rhodeybear, give me a sec,” Tony’s smile was teasing, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Now, let’s see… where was I?”

He looked away in thought as he recounted his day, “Uh, an alien army led by Thor’s crazy brother… Captain America showed up, which is always a treat… um, Bruce turned into the Jolly Green Giant, and it was _amazing_ , and then, I—” He faltered, cutting himself off. “… I almost died.”

The confession seemed to surprise Tony just as much as it surprised Jim, like he hadn’t realized that that was where his ramblings were taking him. He sat up straighter, head tilting to the side as he replayed the last few seconds, muttering under his breath, “…I almost died today.”

Tony had almost died before, but this time was _different._

There was a weight to Tony’s words that told Jim that whatever had happened was more than anything his brilliant brain could puzzle through on its own. Everyone had told Jim about the amazing display of heroics his fiancé had pulled off, but there was something darker there. Something was glitching in the matrix that was Tony’s mind and sending everything worryingly off-kilter.

“I… there was a nuke,” Tony began quietly. His voice was careful, like he didn’t trust himself. “It was headed towards New York, and I was the only one who could correct its course in time.”

Trying to keep himself as calm as possible while his heart leapt into his throat, Jim’s eyes traced Tony’s body to figure out how he missed a _nuke,_ how could he be so _blind—_

“I flew it into the portal, and for a few seconds, I was just floating there.” Tony’s eyes were distant, unfocused as his mind went far, far away, “But then I was _falling,_ and the portal was _closing_ , and—!”

He cut himself off, emotional and choked up and wishing he wasn’t, frustration radiating off of him in waves. His grip on the blankets was sporadic, tightening and loosening as he fought for control of himself.

And Jim’s heart ached.

Because Jim knew what it was like to be left behind for the sake of the mission, and it was one of the reasons he was glad, thankful even, that Tony was a civilian.

Sure, CHARLIE had been born when an assignment had gone wrong, and Jim wouldn’t trade his AI for anything in the world, but having _other people_ decide that you’re expendable would change you in ways you never expected.

Tony blinked, snapping back to the present. “It’s gonna make a great shot in the movie they make about my life.” He painted the picture in the air in front of them, “My suit, still against the great expanse of space.” He scoffed, wet and emotional and not nearly as uncaring as he hoped it was, “It’ll probably win an Oscar for cinematography.”

“Tony,” it wasn’t exactly a plea, but it wasn’t the grounding tone Jim was going for either.

“I get why they did it,” Tony pushed forward, refusing to go back. He swallowed thickly, “What if nuking aliens isn’t enough? What if their tech is so advanced that the aliens we faced were just grunts and the real big bad is waiting upstairs?”

And if Jim listened closely enough, he could hear it, the real problem.

“They didn’t know if they could face that,” Tony was reasoning with himself more than anyone else at this point, “so closing the portal as soon as possible was the best option.”

Jim waited.

“I don’t _like_ that option though,” Tony muttered after a few moments, his frustration building up again. “Because when they come back—and it's not an if, Jim, it’s a _when_ because I’m paranoid, but I’m not _stupid_.” He shook his head, like he had to physically remind himself of the fact.

Jim wanted to reach out, but he didn’t think he could handle Tony flinching away from him right now.

“When they come back,” Tony repeated, voice low and weary, “How do we deal with that?” His hands had abandoned the blankets, now groping the air for an answer that wasn’t there.

He turned to Jim, helpless and scared and baring his soul to one of the only people he knew who would let him ramble his way through his thoughts until he found what he was looking for, “I don’t want to close a portal on someone.”

Jim paused.

Thought.

Interpreted what had and hadn’t been said.

And tried to do it all before Tony’s mind sent him spiraling into the unknown.

Because Jim knew if he let that happen, pulling Tony back out would be near impossible.

But the problem was that Jim didn’t know what to say.

The optimistic side of him, the romantic who loved his fiancé with every fiber of his being, he wanted to promise that it would never come to that. That this was a one-off, a blip in the system that would never rear its ugly head ever again.

But the world was changing.

And Tony was right, he wasn’t stupid.

If anyone could figure out what the changes were and how to meet them head-on, it would be Tony.

Jim knew that, and Tony knew it too.

That’s why he was stuck.

His brain was already coming up with new schematics to face a threat that hadn’t even had a chance to enter his dreams yet, using the day’s trauma as a motivator while trying to keep it subdued with a rubber band and a toothpick.

That kind of pressure was suffocating, especially when it was self-inflicted.

“Well, you’re not going to close it on yourself.” And the guilty look Tony gave Jim told him that he’d guessed right.

Tony had almost died to the unknown, and in the few hours since he’d been back, he’d done the calculations, skewed as they were.

The only way to protect people from the unknown was to face it again and pray he’d be just as lucky.

“In the moments before you go on a one-way trip, you don’t think about it,” Jim spoke from experience he wished he didn’t have. There was a reason he made Lieutenant Colonel at thirty, and it wasn’t pretty.

“But after it’s over, and you somehow come back?” He shook his head, old emotions teasing their way back into his subconscious, “You’re faced with what almost happened. What you almost did.” Jim looked to Tony purposefully, “What you almost lost.”

“Rhodey, I…” Tony tried to say more, but he couldn’t. All he had were glassy eyes filled with tears.

“It’s _scary,_ Tones, there’s no shame in admitting that,” Jim promised, gently taking his hand. “Not with me.”

“No shoes,” Tony whispered.

“No shoes,” Jim confirmed. “I want to say that I’ll always be there, but I wasn’t today. I can’t promise you that, Tony, and it terrifies me.” He shrugged helplessly, “Terrorists for hire, that was one thing, but _aliens?_ I know when I’m out of my depth.”

“Then what?” Tony slumped back against the headboard, a dull thud as the back of his head knocked against the wood. He looked to Jim, emphatically frustrated with the hand the world had dealt them. “We just give up when they come back?”

There was no easy answer, and there never would be. They both knew that. “We do what we can to prepare before that happens,” Jim said quietly, purposefully, “but we don’t blame ourselves if it’s not enough when it does.”

“That sounds like a shit deal,” Tony grumbled, sniffing wetly.

“The world’s pretty shitty, Tones,” Jim sighed heavily. “That’s how you know it’s real.”

“Yeah, well, it’s _ours,_ and I’m not letting it go without a fight.” Tony turned over with a huff, pulling the blankets over himself and ending the conversation.

But only for the night.

Because Jim knew that this wasn’t over, not in the slightest.

The attack on New York had ended, but a new attack on Tony’s mind had just begun.

Jim watched as Tony fell asleep through sheer force of will, brow furrowed as the nightmares crept in with a swiftness that was painfully unfair.

He wouldn’t— _couldn’t_ —just sit there and let it happen.

“CHARLIE, you and JARVIS go over that list we made after Afghanistan,” Jim raised the blankets and tried to make himself comfortable. “Vet every finalist and see if there’s anyone we could’ve missed.”

 _“We’ll handle it, Rhodey,”_ CHARLIE assured him, his normally bright voice dim but determined.

 _“Sir shall be cared for,”_ JARVIS agreed, _“whether he wants it or not.”_

They’d have to convince Tony to get help, and it wasn’t going to be easy. But for now, Jim felt the slightest bit better about the coming months. He pulled Tony closer, and his fiancé’s body instinctively melted into his despite the nightmares that had already taken hold of his mind.

Releasing a deep sigh, Jim made a silent, secret promise before he let sleep take him, “I’m not letting you go either.”

Not into the unknown and not anywhere else.

**Author's Note:**

> ✌🏾😗
> 
> if you want, you can pop over to my [tumblr](https://tumblr.com/starkslovemail) and say hello!


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